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Do you love CLAMS? Do you love MAYONNAISE? Then open wide for Clam-O-Naise®, the tangy, garlicky mayo made with real clams—featuring the all-new CLAM PACK hidden in every jar! We’re not fucking with you: we worked with a team of chefs and food scientists to make it actually delicious, and then we actually submerged 30 new cards and a MYSTERY CLAM-O-PRIZE deep inside the mayonnaise. Win real pearls, Clam-O-Merch, or even a car! Are you ready?

Clam Pack

30 all-new Cards Against Humanity cards about the sexual possibilities of shellfish, submerged in the mayonnaise.

Clam-O Prize

Every single jar comes with a FREE PRIZE! Win real pearls, clam-themed vacations, or even a CAR!

What’s that taste!?

The delicious smoky tang of Clam-O-Naise® is inspired by the beloved dish Clams Casino.
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Official
Recipes

The smoky tang of Clam-O-Naise® adds big flavor to any meal! If it works with mayonnaise, it works with Clam-O-Naise. Here’s our advice on making a basic “turkey clamwich,” plus three recipes from actual chefs.

TRADITIONAL TURKEY CLAMWICH

The sandwich you grew up eating, now 100% tangier!

CLAM-O-WEDGE SALAD

It’s inc-wedge-ibly delicious!

FRIED CHICKEN CLAMBAKE SANDWICH

Reinvent a Southern classic with everyone’s favorite clam-flavored mayonnaise.

EASY CLAMS CASINO

The dish that inspired Clam-O-Naise, now with Clam-O-Naise!

Clams Casino?

Clam-O-Naise® is inspired by the classic dish Clams Casino—a traditional preparation of clams “on the halfshell” baked with butter, garlic, bacon, and white wine, served hot with fresh lemon. It’s like “hitting the jackpot” inside your mouth!

FAQ

Do I love Clam-O-Naise?

Yes, you love Clam-O-Naise®.

What does Clam-O-Naise taste like?

Based on the dish Clams Casino, Clam-O-Naise® is a tidal wave of tangy, smoky, garlicky flavor, with just a hint of real clams. Your mouth is watering already!

Like for real? It’s actually good?

For real. We worked with professional chefs and food scientists to get it just right.

Where can I buy Clam-O-Naise?

Clam-O-Naise® is available at Target.com and at Target stores nationwide. You can’t miss it: it’s the only jar of mayonnaise in the games section.

So it’s only available at Target?

Yes. It’s a miracle that we convinced a Fortune 500 company to nationally distribute a clam-flavored mayonnaise filled with clam-themed rimjob jokes, so that’s the only place you can buy it.

Does Clam-O-Naise come with any Cards Against Humanity cards?

Every jar of Clam-O-Naise® includes the all-new 30-card Clam Pack, featuring cards such as “Sneaking 700 steamed clams into a movie theater,” and “The sexual possibilities of coleslaw.”

I don’t see the cards. Where are they?

Fully submerged inside the mayonnaise.

Won’t the pack be covered in mayonnaise?

Oh, most definitely.

How did you prevent the cards from getting all soggy with mayonnaise?

We spent months developing an FDA-approved vacuum-packed food-safe mayo-proof card-wrapping system. If you think that’s a mouthful, wait 'til you try Clam-O-Deviled Eggs!

What’s this about a “Clam-O-Prize”?

Every single jar of Clam-O-Naise® comes with a FREE MYSTERY CLAM-O-PRIZE!!!!! You could win a real pearl, Clam-O-Merch, a clam-themed vacation, or even a one-of-a-kind Toyota Clamry! FUCK YES!!!!!

What is “Clam-O-Merch”?

Clam-O-Naise® isn’t just a delicious tangy spread: it’s a lifestyle. You can buy all kinds of incredible Clam-O-Merch right here on this website, including a hoodie that says “YOU CLAM DO IT” and a book called “CLAMMY DICK.”

Is Clam-O-Naise vegetarian? Pescatarian? Kosher?

Clam-O-Naise® contains both real clams and real pork, making it neither pescetarian nor kosher. No matter what god or moral philosophy you believe in, Clam-O-Naise® is “sinfully delicious!” Click here for a full list of ingredients and nutritional info.

What’s the best way to eat Clam-O-Naise?

If you can put mayonnaise on it, you can put Clam-O-Naise® on it. French fries, sandwiches—the world is your…clam. Check out these recipes dreamed up by professional chefs.

Does this have anything to do with the #BringBackCLAMONAISE campaign from last Black Friday?

The Hellmann’s Mayonnaise Corporation is a weak, cowardly excuse for a company that has ceded control to feckless dinosaurs who wouldn’t know delicious mayonnaise if it was blasted into their mouths with a mayonnaise cannon. If you want to get anything done in this world, you have to do it yourself. Hellman’s can #eatmyclam.

So, who’s that adorable little clam on the jar?

That’s Clambo, the fun-loving mascot of Clam-O-Naise®. He likes surfing, clam bakes, and is a strong supporter of Catalonian separatism.

I ordered some merch and now I am having a problem.

Well, SHUCKS! Send us an email at mail@clamonaise.com.

I ordered a jar from Target and now I am having a problem.

If something went wrong with shipping, that’s Target’s fault, and you can contact them here. If something is wrong with your jar of Clam-O-Naise®, that’s our fault, and you can email us at mail@clamonaise.com.

My jar had a broken seal, my prize code isn't working, and/or I waited too long to redeem my prize.

Email us at mail@clamonaise.com and we’ll help you out.

There are chunks in my Clam-O-Naise.

That’s fresh-chopped garlic, baby!

Will Clam-O-Naise help me become a better person?

We asked ourselves this very question while stranded on a boat in the north Atlantic for three months in 1978. Our motor had broken down, and we were struggling to repair it in the harsh winter cold. We were down to our last jar of Clam-O-Naise® and had nearly given up hope when we made a bold and tangy decision: instead of eating the Clam-O-Naise®, we poured it into the smoking motor. Unorthodox to be sure! But freshly lubricated, our clamboat roared to life, and we soon arrived safely at harbor. The experience left us humbled, but it also taught us a valuable lesson: when times are tough, don’t be shellfish—pass that Clam-O-Naise®!

Where is Clam-O-Naise made?

Clam-O-Naise is manufactured in cool, creamy Seattle. But on a more spiritual level, Clam-O-Naise is made wherever people cry out to the Heavens, yearning for tangy redemption.

Is this real?

It’s all real. The mayo is real. The card pack is real. The prizes are real. Clam-O-Naise® is one of the last bastions of truth in a post-truth world.

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CLAMS IN THE WILD!

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